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"Van Dracling"
by Kenneth Brickelstein
Featuring The
Reploid Rebellion!
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Narrator: Our story begins at a lonely road in the countryside, where eight roomates are driving
in their totally pimped out 1936 Stutz Bearcat!
{a Stutz Bearcat
drives onto the camera. It looks sort of like the Mystery Machine. Cut to inside of it.}
 Jason: Hey, Drac, all the drinks are warm. Mind freezing it?
 Draconis: Hey, I opted for a fridge, and everyone but fatty voted "No". Drink your warm drink.
 Brick: That's five fat remarks this hour!
 Jeremy: Yeah, Drac, what's your problem today? You seem more cynical than ever!
Draconis: Well, it's that I LOATHE my cousin! I already told you several thousand times already!
 Skull: Hey, the guy can't be that bad if he's inviting us over to a mansion! Plus, we need a place to stay after what
happened.
{cut to the Reploid Rebellion HQ. Condemned
signs(crossed out to read "CONDAMNED") are all over it. Suddenly, a gigantic Venus Flytrap spouts from the top of it and starts
roaring.}
 Yami: And that's your fault anyways, Skull!
Skull: But the merchant didn't seem evil at the time!
 Shift: Will you all just shut up already? We're here!
Nakori: {peeks
her head out the window} Ooh, this guy must be rich!
{cut to a shot
of the mansion. It's big and purple and has a pumpkin growing on the top, whee. Everyone gets out of the car and runs up the
front door, where they see a figure that looks a remarkable amount like Shade Man....}
The Count: Ah, hello, cousin Draconis and guests! Mr. Shift, lovely! Mr. Yami, I like that anchor!
Mr. Jason, I have heard so much about you! Aaand....the rest of you, you're doing pretty good as well!
Draconis: Uhh...hi, Count. Thanks for letting us stay in that pumpkin while we sort our HQ out.
The Count: Not a problem, not a problem! After all, Draconis, you are my favorite cousin!
Draconis: Same here.
{Everyone walks inside of the mansion.}
The Count: {singing} Red rum, red rum, flowing down the valley!
Red rum, red rum, making me so happy!
Brick: Ah, I love that song!
The Count:
You are a musical turtle, Mr. Brick?
Brick: I dabble, I guess.
The Count:
Then do you mind sining for us all?
{Brick begins
to sing, but Shift tackles him.}
Shift: His voice just...exploded, yeah, exploded, so he can't sing.
The Count: Ah, exploding voice, better get that fixed, eh?
{Everyone continues walking until they reach the pumpkin. They step inside to find an orange room
that's..actually better then most of the rooms in the Rebellion HQ.}
The Count:
See you at dinner!
{The Count closes the door and leaves.}
Draconis: I hate that man so much.
Nakori: Hey
now, Drac, he's been nothing but nice the whole five minutes!
Jeremy: Yeah, can't you ease off of him? he gave us the room with the hottub!
Draconis: Yeah, I guess you guys are right...I'm gonna go to set things straight between us.
{Draconis leaves looking sad, but when he exits the room, he looks furious.}
Draconis: ....by killing that sonouvamother! {Draconis runs off.}
{cut to a dark, dank room. Draconis stumbles around until he finds a piece of paper entitled "PLAN".
Draconis reads it.}
Draconis: AHA! I KNEW IT!
{Suddenly,
lights come on to show that The count is standing there next to him.]
The Count:
And you'd better not tell anyone.
Draconis: Sure, Count! And let all my pals be your slaves!
The Count:
Oh, you won't be slaves, you'll be servants with benefits!
Draconis: Enough, Count! Either you die right now or I'll kill you!
The Count: Bring it upon me!
{Draconis jumps
forward on all fours at the Count, but the Count sends sonic waves blasting towards him. The power of the waves make Draconis
turn into stone - as he's in mid-air - and he falls down to the ground, shattering, and dying.}
The Count: I gave you a chance, and now your friends will pay. {The Count flies off.}
{cut to the Pumpkin. Suddenly, The Count breaks through the door
screaming.}
The Count: How many dead 'bots are there in
here? {numbers appear above the heads of the remaining Rebellion} Von, two, three, vour, vive, six, seven! Seven dead 'bots!
{Brick screams like he's on helium and faints.}
Jason: What's his problem?
Yami: His problem is that we're all gonna die, Jason.
Voice: Not
on my watch!
{Suddenly, Draconis jumps through the door,
knocking The Count to his feet. He then takes out a stake.}
The Count:
But..but...I killed you! You shattered on the vloor!
Draconis: Ever heard of the family Imitation trade?
The Count:
Uhh...no.
Draconis: That's because we never liked you.
{Draconis stabs
The Count with the stake, making him rust away until he is no more.}
Draconis: Now get in the car.
{cut to the
car. The Rebellion are driving on the road again.}
Brick: {back to his senses} Now, wait a minute. If I heard right, you stabbed him and he faded away. And if I know
right, he was stabbed with a stake, and that means he was...a vampire bot?
Draconis: Uhh, yeah. I'm a fourth vampire, see - my mom was half. Where else do you think I got a name like Draconis
from?
{rimshot}
Shift: Wait, I thought I killed the rimshot guy! That means....
Brick: ZOMBIES! {faints}
THE END!
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